| Word of the Week | ||
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This is a new program called the Word of the Week. You must tell what the word means. I will tell any commenter if they are wrong or right and you must use this word correctly in a sentence. This week's word is auroch. |
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| Bye-Bye Mr. C!!!!! | ||
 Mr. C has been a GREAT teacher. He put up with us on the Keys trip. He did all thoses labs. And, he has been the technical guru for Hanes Magnet School. We all love him and will miss him dearly. This is a tribute to THE great Mr. C!!!! |
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| Instrument Jokes | ||
Some of you have probably been waiting a long time for me to make fun of myself ( as a guitarist). This is not the time. This is for the "other"type of musician.
Both suck when you plug them in
A drummer 7) How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in 8) Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!
The tennis final has more men.
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| Funny Signs and Warnings | ||
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These are some messages and warnings that are actually printed on signs and products: On Dolly Madison Bakery Cherries - Artificially Flavored Real Fruit On Carefree Gum - Use of this product may be hazardous to your health. This product contains Saccharin, which has been determined to cause cancer in laboratory animals. On some computers - No keyboard detected. Press F1 to continue On a hair coloring product - Do not use as an ice cream topping. On Komatsu Floodlights - This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark On the back of a big rig - Warning! Do not attempt to drive under, over, or through this truck. If you should choose to ignore this warning, good luck and have fun! Do not pass on right side. On Japanese Game Cube Instruction Manuals - Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury. A sign near the State Prison near Phoenix reads, "State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers" Idaho Falls, Idaho - Warning to tourists: don’t laugh at the natives At a McDonalds - Parking for drive-thru service only A Park in Wisconsin - Soccer not allowed. Soccer may only be played in archery range. |
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| Funny Laws in NC | ||
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After reading some of Chris' laws I decided to paste some about North Carolina. 1.Bingo games may not last over 5 hours unless it is held at a fair. 2.Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. 3.No one may be a professional fortune-teller, and if one wishes to pursue the practice as an amateur, it must be practiced in a school or church. 4. It’s against the law to sing off key. Here are some in certain cities: Forest City: You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town. Greensboro: Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street. Kill Devil Hills: You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars. Southern Shores: It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway. Rocky Mount: You must pay a property tax for your dog. |
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| Funny Movie / TV Quotes | ||
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"Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb." -Spaceballs "Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue." -Airplane "If I'm not back in five minutes.... wait longer." -Ace Ventura:Pet Detective "Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I." -What About Bob? "I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had" -Arthur "The time travelling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!" -Back to the Future II "Good morning! And in case I don't see you: good evening, good afternoon and good night!" -The Trueman Show "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" -Airplane Enjoy! |
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| Funny Laws in Florida | ||
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We are going to Florida (duh). Don't do anything that this says or you may get sent to jail. 1. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 2. You may not [pass gas] in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. 3. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. 5. Chickens are considered a 'protected species'. 6. It it is illegal for a man to wear of any kind of strapless gown. 7. Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person. But, that doesn't mean make new laws from junk you could mess up. |
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| Funny Quotes (well, semi-funny) | ||
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Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it is too dark to read. -Charles M. Schulz Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. - John Alexander Thom The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits - Albert Einstein Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Moore Colby Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. - George R. Kirkpatrick If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. - Brian Pickrell I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner |
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| Easter Joke | ||
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I thought that since the Easter bunny is on his way soon I would find a funny joke. Enjoy!!! Reasons the Easter Bunny brings eggs: 1. Big tax write off. 2. Who ever heard of Easter bricks? 3. Consider all the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled. 4. He gets a good deal from the local chickens. 5. Secret plan to elminate the human race by cholesterol overdose. 6. Presure from the egg marketing board. 7. Because if it brought bottle rockets, he would be the Independence Bunny. 8. Would you want to hunt for waffles. 9. He thinks a guy should get a chick at least once a year. 10. Because the Energizer rabbit got the job. |
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| Pranks for April Fool's Day | ||
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As we all know, April Fool's day is drawing near; which is my favorite holiday that doesn't involve presents or candy. But for some people out there, it's hard to get into the prankster spirit. Here are a couple of suggestions to start you out. Gag gifts: From classics like the Dirty Soap to more interesting (and expensive) things such as fart-fragrance candles and shocking gum, they make a hilarious present. Unless you're on the recieving end. If you don't want to spend money on a prank, though, you should stay away from these. Classical pranks: "Drippy": Use a pin to make small holes at the bottom of a plastic cup. Offer a drink to the victim, and laugh mercilessly as water bubbles onto their shirt. "Salt Surprise": This trick is very simple yet highly effective. Just put some salt onto the victim's toothpaste. Make sure you watch while they brush their teeth. "Tricky coin": One of the oldest-and most hilarious-pranks in the book. Use superglue or another effective adhesive and glue a quarter, or even a dollar if you want a good show, to the ground. Watch and laugh as people try endlessly to pick up the money. You might not be able to get your coin back, though. Unique and fun pranks: "Chewy": Offer to make someone a sandwich, but don't remove the wrapper from the cheese. The victim will get a nice little plastic-tasting surprise. "Sour Joke": Take some green food coloring, and put a couple of drops into the milk. In the morning, someone else in the household will think it has "gone bad". "Unexpected": Take the bags of cereal from the cereal boxes, and switch them around to different boxes. The victim will do a double take when they pour out a completely different cereal than what they wanted. Computer pranks: "the Dark Side": Turn the brightness all the way down on the computer moniter. The owner will go crazy trying to fix it. "Hurry Up!": Change the cursor to the hourglass. The victim will think that the computer is trying to fix a neverending task. I hope these ideas have given you some inspiration for April Fool's day. Happy Pranking! |
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| Dress Code and School Jokes | ||
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The dress code at our school is simple if you're not taken for one of the teachers, you're in trouble. We have a very simple dress code at our school. Anything that's comfortable or looks cool is illegal. Keep the school tidy; throw your rubbish out of the windows. I'm teacher's pet; she can't afford a dog. How did you do in your tests ? I did what George Washington did ! What was that ? Went down in history ! I made a paper plane out of it (homework) and it got hijacked. TEACHER: why are you late for school again? PUPIL: I stopped two boys fighting, sir. TEACHER: Well done. How did you manage that? PUPIL: I kicked both of them, sir. The Insurmountable Problem by Major Setback There's nothing wrong with this school that an atomic bomb wouldn't put right. Keep smiling; it makes everyone wonder what you're up to. Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either ! |
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| Please Note | ||
| Keep in mind that pivot pictures MUST be no more than 300 pixels wide by 300 pixels tall in order to be shown on the newspaper. If they are wider than 300 pixels they force a scroll bar at the bottom of the picture and you can't see the entire animation all at one time. So, Chris, although you made a nice animation -- it was too wide and too tall to fit in the window. | ||
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| Hilarious Phobias | ||
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These cracked me up: Dextrophobia: fear of objects at the right side of the body. Levophobia: fear of objects to the LEFT side of the body Phronemophobia: fear of thinking Panophobia: fear of everything Ostroconophobia: fear of shellfish Omettaphobia: fear of eyes Kathisophobia: fear of sitting down Geniophobia: fear of chins Eleutherophobia: fear of freedom Dendrophobia: fear of trees Koumpounophobia: fear of buttons (there's an actual organization for this) Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: fear of long words |
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| Funny quotes - THE SEQUEL | ||
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A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. -- Jerry Seinfield An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. -- Bill Vaughan I do not like broccoli and I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. Now I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. -- George W. Bush The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -- Robert Bloch Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. |
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| Star Trek Joke of The Week | ||
Star Trek Version of Sherlock Homes and Watson go cammping Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Spock wakes his faithful friend "Jim, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."Kirk replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Kirk ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Spock is silent for a moment, then speaks."Jim, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."  |
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18 Mar 2009